Thursday, February 24, 2011

Samples @ Cosco

I am a sucker for a free sample at Cosco.

So much so that the other day before getting out of the car at Cosco my Mom said "What are you doing?"

"Just taking out my retainers incase they have any samples out" I replied.

There was this one time I went into Cosco with my retainers in and left my purse in the car.

Big mistake.

So many samples to try and nowhere to put my retainers.

So now I know to think ahead about these things.

I love a free sample of food or drink.

However.....

I'm terrified of the people who give out the samples!

You see...even though I love samples...I'm not actually going to buy what they are selling.

It's my parents membership and I'm not about to come waltzing back to their cart with a 50 gallon jar of chipotle mayo just because the little old lady on aisle 52 said it goes great in anything.

I do however aim to please and I hate letting down the sample makers.

This could be why you might find a 50 gallon jar of chipotle mayo on isle 39.

I ditched it there because I didn't want to leave the sample station empty handed however I knew I wasn't going to buy it so I discretely left it in a different aisle.

Have I mentioned I'm in my late 20's?

I love hitting up a sample station that has tons of people at it.

I know I can get in and get out no questions asked.

But if I find myself at a Cosco on a weekday I know I'm in big trouble.

I try to pump myself up before I reach the small, fold out table.

"Jeannie just grab a sample and walk away. You don't owe this woman anything."

I try to keep my eyes glued to the food but as I get closer I start to morph into another person.

I squint, even though I have perfect vision, at the little sign in front of the sample station.

Then I begin to mutter to myself loud enough for the person working the station to hear.

"BBQ Little Weenies" I say as I put my hands on my hips.

"What will they think of next" I add on to sound legit.

"Would you like to try a sample?" the woman asks.

I then make a face like I really shouldn't, I start to walk away, I turn back around.

"Why not? You only live once!" I say with enthusiasm while the little Jeannie sitting on my shoulder shouts "What are you doing? Who are you right now? You're blowing it!"

I inhale the weenie ooohing and awing better than Bob Wiley eating dinner at Dr. Leo Marvin's house in What About Bob.

I mean its a tasty weenie but this isn't my last meal.
Why am I trying to impress this woman?

She didn't make the weenie she just heated it up.

I'm blinded by the lights of my own performance and press on.

"That was delicious thank you so much." I say and begin to back away.

"You can buy a pack of 300 for just $16.99" She says tapping the box.

"Do you barbecue?" She asks

"Yes"

I lie.

"These little suckers go great at a barbecue" She assures me.

"You got kids?" She asks.

"Yes"

I lie.

"You can microwave these little devils up as a great afternoon snack" She insists.

"Would you like to buy a box?" She asks.

What does she work on commission I start to think?

She is selling to me hard, she must work on commission.

Is there a poster somewhere in Cosco's employee break room that charts who the best sample station seller is?

Do they get bonuses? Pay increases?

All this information is running through my head and I start to panic.

"Ummm you see" I start to stammer.

"Well I'm shopping with my Mom and I better check with her. It's just that's a lot of weenies and I don't think we have the freezer space and we don't even eat meat that much. I mean we do but not all the time. And this would be a big commitment and there are only 4 of us and I just feel like it would be like a food time bomb. Like you better eat it because its going to explode if you don't. Its a race against the clock."

I begin shouting at a woman a few feet away from me.

"Mom...hey Mom did you want this...No...put it back o.k."

The woman I just shouted at is not my actual Mother and looks at me perplexed.

I turn back to the woman at the sample station feeling super guilty.

"I guess she doesn't want them" I say in the saddest voice ever.

The sample lady looks down super disappointed.

I picture the floor manager approaching her after I've left saying "Peggy...I'm afraid we have to let you go."

"I'm sorry" I say and walk away slowly pretending to look really upset.

I keep going pushing my heavy cart down the rows until I hear those magical words again "Would you like to try a free sample?"

I take a deep breath "No thank you, I better....well sure why not?"






Thursday, February 17, 2011

Miniature Obsession Failures


You all known how much I adore the little people community.

I can't even bring myself to watch the last 5 episodes of Little People Big World because I can't live without that family.

Well while we were at the rodeo there was a booth that read "World's Smallest Woman...50 cents"


My whole family was like "I'm sure it's a scam...one of those things where you go in and its a doll or something."

"Well I'm going in anyway" I said prepared to be duped.

I paid and rounded the corner whistling and then came to a dead halt.

THERE WAS THE TINIEST WOMAN I'D EVER SEEN SITTING IN A TINY LAWN CHAIR.

(I found a pic of her on the internet!)

I didn't know what to do.

I hadn't anticipated this happening at all.

"Hello" I finally managed to say.

"Hello" She said back and gave a wave.

"God bless you" I said back.

"Thank you" She said.

And that was it!

I walked out and was like "Jeff it wasn't fake there was a really nice little lady in there."

"Why didn't you talk to her more?" He asked.

"I got nervous I wasn't expecting anyone to actually be there" I replied.

We continued walking and came across another booth "World's Smallest Horse...50 cents"


"Oh no!" I shrieked

Jeff started laughing really hard "Go ahead" He said.

Poor little horse didn't have much room to walk around.


I know its hard to tell but he was smaller than a pony.

Speaking of ponies the fair people didn't let me sit on the pony and take a picture.

How embarrassing!

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Mindy Kaling's Blog, Gnome Soap, Mini Fruit and 2 Obsession Failures!




I recently discovered Mindy Kaling's old blog Things I've Bought That I Love.

It's a really great read for ladies.

Also the play that put her on the map years ago Matt & Ben is finally available for purchase on Amazon.

I've always wanted to read it.


Gnome Soap on a Rope!

Watermelon scented...yes please!




I love mini fruit!

And now for 2 Obsession Failures.

A little while ago I blogged about a pasta made out of Tofu called Shirataki.


The main reason I was so intrigued by it was because the entire package is only 20 calories.

Well I finally found some here in Texas and I heated it up yesterday and IT'S DISGUSTING!

IT STINKS SO BAD AND TASTE AWFUL.

I keep thinking maybe I prepared it wrong because Jo said she had it and liked it.

I mean that's what I get for trying to eat an entire bag of pasta just because I can since it's only 20 calories.

Too good to be true.

Obsession Failure #2...

Now I don't think I have blogged about Kombucha before but it's something I've been obsessed with trying for some time.


Basically it's a fermented tea that supposedly makes you feel amazing and energized and celebrities drink it....so you know of course I want some too.

I've seen it at Whole Foods before but its always $5 for one bottle and I can never get myself to spend that much.

Well the other day I saw it at H.E.B. the grocery store here in Texas and it was only $3 so I bought a bottle.

I envisioned drinking it and being able to run 10 miles in skinny jeans with a glowing complexion.

Wrong!

IT'S DISGUSTING!

I took one sip and wanted to vomit.

I guess I'll never be famous.





Thursday, February 10, 2011

Orange Juice Substitute, Big Love Opening and MORE




Woke up early to take Jeff to the hospital to get his wisdom teeth out.

While he was in surgery I joined my Mom down in the hospital cafeteria and it was so nice!

I felt like orange juice but since orange juice has a zillion calories I opted for Crystal Light Sunrise and to my surprise it hit the spot.

Now I don't normally do substitutions like this...if I want juice I drink it however I've been trying to practice Bethenny Frankel's "differential" tip.

If substituting a healthy option doesn't bother you than try it, for example maybe you like ground turkey just as much as ground hamburger so why not just go for the turkey however maybe you love rich decadent chocolate instead of sugar free. In that case eat a small portion of the rich chocolate...its what you really want anyway.

Jeff's surgery went great and we went home and watched T.V. all day.

Something we haven't been able to do since we got home.

We started with Top Chef...I'm obsessed with Richard Blaise.

He just has the best disposition.

Next Jeff put on the Dungeons and Dragons episode of Community and I immediately became obsessed with it.


I have tried once or twice to get people to explain this game to me and I have sort of grasped the concept but not really.

After playing the Battlestar Galactica board game a hand full of times I feel like I've gotten much better at it.

So maybe these things just take time.

I mainly just love that D&D has gnomes and dwarves in it!

I remain obsessed with actresses/ singers with dark hair and light eyes.

Don't even get me started on how obsessed I am with Deschanel's bangs.

Tonight I played jacks and marbles with my Mom and am now obsessed with both of them.

These old school games are da bomb...anyone wanna double dutch when I get back in Chicago?

Also I have been obsessed with this Big Love opening since it's debut.

I might have mentioned it before but its worth watching again.

I want to be in it so badly.


Wednesday, February 9, 2011

I WILL POST EVERYDAY



I might be a little late in discovering Keenan Cahill but I am so glad I did.

I have been obsessed with this kid (15 years old) since last night.

He is awesome.

I don't know why but I could watch him lip sync all day long.